Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you. Go after that dick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
