Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize