My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So squirting runs in the family.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
