Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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