We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
