You made me cry and you don't even care
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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