Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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