never play flip cup with pint glasses
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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