The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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