If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
