I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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