arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
