She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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