my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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