The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
