The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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