I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
