My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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