he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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