He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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