Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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