At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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