there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
