im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
