what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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