You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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