When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize