there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
