when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
