I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
