SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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