you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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