I faked an abortion last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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