I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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