He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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