So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
