when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
