i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
