By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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