just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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