hotel room ftw
I CAN MOONWALK!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
