Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
