Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
