at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
