Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
