I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
