I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...