I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.