The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...