I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.