i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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