brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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