she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found a bag of teeth...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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