okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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