Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize