After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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