and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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