frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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