I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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