u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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