Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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