I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
