o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
