i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
