I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I only lived at night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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