I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
