someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
