Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
